Prayer Requests for Romania

If you read this and would be so kind, I would love for you to join me in prayer for my trip to Romania. I am asking the Father for the following things:

•  God will use me to lay hands on people, pray for them, and see Him heal many.
• God will give me a new mission statement for my life. I need a new vision, a new song, a new direction. 
• God will make His name great among the Roma gypsies so that they will be well represented in the kingdom of God when He returns. 
• God will give me and my teammates overwhelming and unspeakable joy.
• God will allow me and the team to witness of Him among the Roma in such a way that many (many more than I can ask or imagine) will give their lives to Jesus.
• God will give me specific words of encouragement for people on my team. 
• God will blow all my expectations out of the water: miracles of healing, restoration, provision, redemption, plenty. I pray He will show us all that He is the God of so much more. 

Thanks for praying,

M

I'm so proud

When I was in the third grade, we were asked to find and memorize a poem and present it in front of the class. I remember going home that night scared because I didn't know how to find a poem, or even where to start looking. I don't know how it came about, but my dad ended up writing one on the history of Mexico. I set my mind to memorize it, and I did. I don't remember all the details, but not only did I present it to the class, but was one of the top in the class. My teacher asked me to present it at the end of the year program.

I was so nervous that night. I was sitting in the front row going over the poem repeatedly in my head. Then it was my turn. I walked up on stage. I remember how bright and hot the lights were. Suddenly, my nerves were replaced with the thought that my dad had written this poem. I remember feeling so incredibly proud as I said the title and my dad's name as the author. I recited the poem. I don't remember making mistakes; I don't remember the crowd's reaction. But I do remember seeing my parents through the lights in the audience. I remember both of their faces beaming up at me with enormous smiles. I am reminded now of the realization that hit me that night: they were proud of me.

So now, at times, I feel like a third grade girl, scared and nervous, like everyone is watching and I might fail. But my Father has written a story for me, one he wants me to show off. When I present it, I am filled with pride as I read the title and His name as the author. The amazing thing is that He is on the front row, beaming a huge smile. For He is so proud of me.

What makes me alive...

A few nights ago, my roommate and I started dreaming of packing everything up, driving far off, and changing our lives. Well, I am a bit extreme, so I quickly got on line and looked up what it would take to do just that. What started as a dream turned into a possible reality. I'm not sure which of us figured that we were ploughing ahead without consulting The Author of our dreams to see if this dreaming was in line with His. 

So we prayed. I felt compelled to pray like I never have before. Instead of laying my plans before Him and asking for His approval or disapproval like usual. I decided to ask Him what His plans were and wait in silence till He answered. So my roommate and I sat in the living room carrying on a three-way conversation. It went something like this (I will only share what He told me, though He shared some cool stuff with my roommate at the same time):

- Lord, I confess I don't trust you very well. I want to grow in that, so I come humbly through this process. Lord, what is it that you have given me that makes me feel alive? 

- Writing.

-Lord are you opening a season of using that which makes me feel alive?

-YES!

- Lord are you leading me to use that which makes me come alive as a primary source of income?

- no.

- Lord, are you changing my circumstances so that in the near future (i.e.his summer) I should pack up everything and move?

He responded with nothing, so I thought maybe I asked the wrong question or in the wrong way. 

- Lord, are you moving me on from my current school right now? 

(the lyrics to a song came flooding to mind) "I just won't give up now, come to far from where I started from"

His conversation with me thus ended, having a surety of the near future, and an assurance of a heart desire. Tonight, I realized a little bit of the weight of the small dialogue God had conducted with me. He has made me to write. Eric Liddell once said that God had made him fast, and when he runs he feels God's pleasure. Well, I feel that way about writing. Sometimes I suffer from a lack of motivation. Sometimes it is hard, hard work. But then when my fingers hit the keyboard, I feel His pleasure.  Tonight, I saw how God used my writing for a greater purpose. I took someone's thoughts and made them flow and sound good. The thoughts are amazing, the vision behind them divine, and I have a part to play to get the thought and vision communicated clearly. God has a reason for my writing. Well, He has several reasons for my writing: my joy and feeling alive, my friend's expression of her dream, the encouragement of those who read it, and ultimate the glory of the God who delights in my writing. 

Spirit World

Paul said that our battle is against the rulers, authorities, powers of this dark world and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Wouldn't it be amazing if God would suddenly open our eyes to the unseen world? Amazing, yet I don't think we could handle it. It seems cool on this side of the seen, but I think we might cower if we saw it on that side.

Every once in a while, though. God rips just a little tear in the other dimension. Our eyes "play tricks" on us and we see the invisible. We see it in lights and shadows; in contorted expressions and radiant faces of peace; we see it in tormented anxiety and deep breaths. If we pay attention we are invited to "see" the unseen. 

We are also invited to take up our shields and swords and fight along side our Creator. Sometimes He sees our helpless estate and He swoops in and fights the battle around us, for us. But other times, He hears us say words like, "You are able to do more than we ask or imagine, please do more now." and He rises up and says, "You missed a huge part. See I can do amazing things, more than you ask or imagine, but it is through you, through the power at work in you." See God has made us more than conquerors. He has given us His authority. He has said we will do greater things than the things He did. He calls us to do all things through Christ our strength. And so, sometimes, He invites us to take up our weapons and fight off the unseen powers of this dark world. 

We get to see the unseen. We get to fight the good fight. And in so doing we bring Him a lot of glory. 

The Glory of God

Piecing together things I read today:

1. "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness and into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9-10
2. From the biography of Ann Judson (Adoniram Judson's wife): "Ann and Adoniram had no sense of God 'needing' them; in a real sense they believed that what happened to them was of secondary importance. A sovereign God could use them as long as he wanted but then raise up others in their place. Their religion was God-centered, not man-centered... By faith, through many long years of discouragement, they endured, as seeing Him who is invisible; relying not at all on what they could do, but wholly on what God had promised to do for them."
3. "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. The chief end of God is to glorify God and enjoy himself forever." -John Piper, "Let the Nations be Glad"

God has called me into Himself. He has set me apart as his royal priest. I believe this so wholeheartedly that this morning I donned my best priestly purple shirt symbolically stating that I am a people belonging to God. I was thinking of the office of priest, one who labors for God, who sacrifices and intercedes for people. I feel God's pleasure in intercession, but I think there is more to it. I know God has called me to be his royal priest, But why? For what purpose? 

God has set me apart that I might declared the praises of him who called me out of darkness into his wonderful light. He has set me apart so that my religion might be God-centered, not man-centered. My suffering, my health, my joy, my disappoint, my strength, my weakness all exist to bring him glory. While I benefit from his calling and his promises, the ultimate purpose is so that I might join him in his work of making his name great. He is my God and I will serve Him. If the heavens declare his glory, so must I. He is greatly to be praised!!!

disappointment

Today I am struggling with disappointment. It's nothing major. Simply something I hoped to happened, didn't. So I wonder where is God in disappointment. Then I think, well He must be there for throughout Scripture people were disappointed. In fact, God seems to initiate it. Leah was disappointed she didn't have her husband's love, Rachel she didn't have her husband's children. Job was disappointed that in his greatest pain God was so long silent. Samuel was disappointed that Israel wanted a king like the other nations. I'm sure Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego were disappointed when they take their stand, don't bow down, and hear the news they are still getting thrown in the fiery furnace. And then the greatest disappointment of all... the disciples. The man they had dedicated the last three years of their lives, the One they thought would change everything, the One they loved, died. For three days, He left them the most disappointed anyone could ever be. All their hopes were shattered, all their dreams destroyed.

In light of all these, my tee-tiny disappoint today seems like nothing. Yet I feel it, I don't want to diminish it, but I do wonder what God wants me to do with it? Here is how the Lord answered me.... Call to me, Come to me, throw your burden on me. Your disappointment, no matter what size, has a purpose. It is a catalyst to intimacy. I want to be what you put your hope in. I might restore your hope in what disappointed you, I might not. But your disappointment, bring to me, now. Let's grieve it together.

PS. Rachel got her kids, Leah never got her love (though she was later satisfied). Job got his answer. Samuel got God's reassurance that they hadn't rejected him but God. Rack, Shack and Benny got delivered. And the disciples, well they got to see the risen Lord! God can restore what was lost.

Three weeks

I realized a few nights ago that it has been three weeks since I last blogged. Many reasons come to the surface. Mostly, it has been a hard three weeks. In this time period, I have struggled and fallen. I lived in open rebellion going back to old sins that I had once seen victory over. I struggled with energy and sleeplessness. I struggled with the hardest confrontation to date at work. I struggled with irritability and weariness. With all this spiritual and emotional upheaval, it is evident why taking time to type out my thoughts was not high on the priority list.

This blog has been a creative outlet for me. It has been therapeutic and worshipful. And so the other day on a walk around my neighborhood the thought came "I haven't blogged in a while." I was heartbroken. Creativity is the first to go when our focus is off of Jesus. So in the last three weeks, I have not been focused on Jesus. Like Peter I got distracted by the winds and the waves and started sinking.

As these thoughts came in, so did an awareness of something else. It started when my senses were assailed by a giant vine of honeysuckle. It was huge, growing unchecked up and around four trees in the parking lot. The smell was intoxicating and a taste of heaven. Then I noticed a single magnolia blossom on a large tree a little down the road. A smile crept from my heart to my face. I felt as if Jesus was walking beside me pointing things out, asking me to drink it all in, deeply. He gave me a spark of life that I had not been expecting.

He also gave me a message, one that I want to share on here, but something deep within makes me want to keep it a secret between me and my Creator. I can tell you this, though, He is faithful and He is close. I feel Him calling me to fix my eyes on Him, to run hard after Him, to seek intimacy and closeness. This is spiritual meat: to know Him in a new way... constantly going to a deeper level. So on my walk: I took a stand against my besetting sin, for I have been declared more than a conqueror, and I took hold of Jesus. I will have to do this again I am sure. But that doesn't take away from the beauty of doing it right now. I belong to the Lord. He holds my hands, looks straight into my eyes, and is content to know me and be known by me.

What a Wonderful Savior!