The Greatest Good

I have been thinking about my future plans a lot. I have been saying that whatever I do, I want to do the "greatest good." There is a very specific picture in my head of what this means. I read stories of missionaries who took in orphans and refugees, who clothed the naked and fed the hungry, all while preaching the Gospel. This is in my mind the greatest good. So I have wanted very desperately to make my future plans line up with this idea. How much good am I doing now? Could that good increase if I follow this course of action or that course of action?

God gently convicted me this morning as I read His word. "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God- not by works so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10. See in my desire to plan to do good, I was growing in a future pride. I want one day to hear good and faithful servant. This I think is good, but only when in its proper place. If I do good to get a crown at the end, I am missing the mark. God reminded me today that He prepares good works for me. He thus will reveal what these good works are in His timing. And what He considers the greatest good for me and through me, might look really different than my plans.

In the end: I am saved by grace. I do not earn salvation, nor do I earn grace. I am His workmanship. He has prepared good works for me.

Sunflowers

Recently I took a trip to Romania. It was an amazing trip, where I got to see God doing some cool things. What I love about God is that He works all around us, allowing us to see His great works and so glorify Him, but He also works in us. He sometimes speaks in the softest venues. He spoke to me through a field of sunflowers. I saw them on the train into Padureni, the small gypsy village that was my home for a week. In Romania, they harvest sunflowers for their seeds and oils. Therefore, there are many fields full of the beautiful flowers, acres and acres of them. I wanted a picture of one of these sunflower fields, but the trip came and went without a convenient moment to snap a picture. So I tried to make it happen. On the last day I was there, I walked through the village, with the intent of walking out of it, onto the main street, and so get my picture. I was alone and had a huge check in my spirit that this was not what I should be doing. So I disappointedly walked back for dinner.

It was then that I was told that I needed to get ready to go show the Jesus film in a neighboring village, we would leave in ten minutes. This was not on the original plan, but as it was the last night for many of us, it was agreed that this was the best use of our time. So we piled into the van. My new friends Emma and Michael were sitting on either side of me. We went by a different road we had not yet travelled. Well, road is being generous. It was more a dirt pathway that had been carved out by wagons and small cars, that had the deepest caverns of pot holes I had ever seen.

Suddenly, I looked up.

There all around us were sunflowers. The dirt path was carved right through the most extensive sunflower fields. I almost came out of my skin, and giggled with glee. Sunflower fields right out of our window. Emma asked if I wanted her to take some pictures since I was in the middle. Of course! Turns out Emma is quite a photographer, far better than I ever could be. She put her body on the window sill and took picture after picture. Due to the pot holes, the van was going at a fantastic picture-taking pace. I was overjoyed.

That is so like God: to answer a want in such overflowing measures that I am filled with joy and gratitude at His unmerited generosity. I didn't get one picture of far off sunflower fields, I got twelve of them right outside my window. So that trip I got to see God move all around me, but also so greatly in me.

Waiting

Recently, a good friend read me this verse: 
"But they soon forgot what He had done 
   and did not wait for His plan to unfold." Psalm 106:13

Waiting for His plan to unfold. How beautifully poetic. A plan unfolding. I confess I want to lay out my plans. Unfolding seems to signify time, often a great deal of time. I don't like to wait. I like to plan, and do everything in my power to make that plan succeed. I tend to have the same disposition on waiting as Dr. Seuss conveyed in Oh The Places You Will Go:

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race 

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace 

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, 

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, 

or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No 

or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, 

for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, 

or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

I don't like the waiting place. But then I go back to the original verse. 
But they soon forgot what He had done 
   and did not wait for His plan to unfold.
In the desert they gave in to their craving; 
   in the wilderness they put God to the test. 
So he gave them what they asked for, 
   but sent a wasting disease among them.


When I don't wait for God's plan to unfold, I give in to my cravings. I put God to the test. And He might give me what I ask for. Oh Lord, I don't want what I've asked for. I want your perfect will to be done. For my cravings, my testing, my laying out of my plans will lead to a wasting disease. Help me to not forget what you have done. Help me to wait for your plan to unfold. 

Love is patient...

This morning I woke up to read 1 Corinthians 13, feeling like I needed a reminder. Thus ensued an amazing conversation with the Lord.
I read about love being patient and kind, not envying, not being proud, or rude, or boastful, keeping no record of wrong, not delighting in evil, but rejoicing in the truth.

I looked at the list several times feeling terribly inadequate. So I prayed, "Oh, Lord, please make me more loving."

He answered with a phrase, "God is love." So I thus inserted God in for love in the passage. Therefore, God is patient and kind. God does not envy, or boast. God is not proud or rude. God is not self-seeking (though He is the only one really allowed to be). God does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. God keeps no record of wrongs. He always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres.

I then realized He does these things for me. He is patient and keeps no record of my wrong. He is slow to anger with me, even when I fail, sin, rebel. So to pray that I would be more loving is a futile and foolish way to pray, for it implies that I can be more loving. Instead, mine is to abide in God who is Love.

I prayed today for an opportunity to abide in His love, so that He could love through me. He answered by putting me in contact with one person throughout the day, all day, amid technology issues. I wasn't abiding very well at the beginning. But throughout the day my heart turned to Jesus, and patience came, and the desire to boast or get angry vanished. Today, I knew the God who is Love.

Battle and Victory

Today, Jesus won a huge victory in my life! Unfortunately, victory can't come without there first being a battle. It's so interesting to me, how we, as humans, are such creatures of habit. We habitually put ourselves in the same horrible situations over and over again. We then habitually try to get out, using the same wretched techniques. So there is a battle, a battle between the habitual, recurring sin, and the newness that Jesus brings through surrender, trust, and redemption.

Today, I was plagued by a habitual way of relating to people. I find when it comes to people, Satan's greatest recourse is not violent anger or hatred, but petty annoyances, which stem from darker places in my heart.  I want to hide and run away.  I feel powerless to change. Today, Jesus showed up in my habitual weakness. He spoke truth. I in turn communicated the hurt and irritation I was so afraid to communicate. Instantly, the weight was lifted. The annoyances gone. My face turned toward Jesus. And the words I thought would cause so much harm, were received with grace and truth. Today, Jesus won a huge victory in my life!