My Conversation with Jesus in Church

This Sunday, as I sat in church, God came down and talked to me. It took the form of a journal entry. He spoke to me through my own handwriting. He perpetuated the theme of this season: Time to come out of hiding. Layer by layer, God has been stripping me of my coping mechanism, my hiding places, my misbehaviors, my sin... basically everything that comes between me and Him. I am so grateful for this difficult process. Thankfully He hasn't stripped them, but He has faithfully peeled back layer at a time.

This one, on Sunday, came after a few days of doing things intentionally my way. See there is a time when our coping mechanism and hiding places become disobedience, and disobedience lived in too long is rebellion. I think God has some things to say about rebellion in the Old Testament; in short, it is a big deal. The conversation this Sunday was really sweet. I saw my labelled hiding spot as a giant heavy and nasty cloak I have slung over my shoulders. It represents the lies I am believing, the negative emotions that follow the lies, and the unhealthy patterns that follow the emotions. All of these are weighty, oppressive, and quite frankly really nasty. I saw and felt this cloak. Suddenly Isaiah 61 came to mind. He has come to give me good news. To trade that nasty, heavy cloak for the garments of praise, the oil of gladness, the light of His presence. He wants to give me a new cloak, one that has been dipped in the blood of His Son.

Here is what it takes: I have to take off the old cloak, lay it at His feet, and accept this new garment. To know this truth is enlivening. Then comes the obedience of wearing His clothes. So He dispells the lies, he comforts the negative emotions, and asks me to obey in changing the unhealthy patterns. I know He will not leave me a lone, but I also know the expression of faith is obedience. If I'm gonna wear His clothes, I can't go rolling around in the mud again.

blogging

I have been thinking about this amazing online phenomenon. Through Facebook, twitter, and blogs we get to paint a picture of ourselves. The amazing thing about that is how much control we have. We can paint the picture however we like. We can say whatever we want about ourselves for the recipients to believe. Face to face interaction is a lot more risky because we can't hide so easily. The outside world will more readily see when our talk and our reality don't match up. Online, what I say is real cannot be so easily refuted, and so I can portray myself to be whoever I want.

So here I am blogging. I truly use this as a way to process my thoughts, emotions, and happenings of a day. But now the question runs through my mind, "Am I being genuine in how I portray myself?" I have been quite honest in many of my blogs... but there is admittedly some concealment. Concealment isn't necessarily bad, somethings are too personal or could be harmful to share on the world wide web. But am I being true to myself in the portrayal I'm giving off?

I don't know the answer, but am mulling over the question.  

Purpose of the Church

I was recently talking to my brother about a huge transition his church is going through. They recently acquired a large and needing-a-lot-of-work church building. In deciding what to do with this building they brought in a consultant. This man pointed out that the building was further down the list than they all thought; there are other things more important that need to be fixed.

See, the church full of well-meaning, good Christians had lost its focus on what the church is supposed to do. This consultant laid out that the church exists to see people 1. come to Christ and 2. grow in Christ. This particular church, in the last few years had seen few people begin a relationship with Jesus, and few people in any form of discipleship group.

This church took up the challenge. Immediately they started evangelism and discipleship classes. My brother has shared that it has been a hard transition, for it is really hard to hear that you've dropped the ball. Amid the difficulty of this transition, this church has decided to fight.

As I listened to this story, I was deeply convicted. Not only is it the church's job to evangelize and disciple, it is also the responsibility of individual Christians. It is my purpose too. How many people have I shared the Gospel with in the last year? How many have I prayed for that they would receive Jesus? How many young believers have I mentored and discipled?

These questions hurt. I want to justify myself saying I work for a Christian school. I teach Bible, that's discipleship right? But if I really look at, I find the conviction lingers. Evangelism and discipleship involve intentional life on life relationships. I can't say I have that with my students. So I stand at a small crossroads. What will I do with this conviction?