Conviction in Bible Class

Recently, in my 9th grade Bible class, I was explaining the ten commandments. I love what a great teacher God is. There are actually 613 commandments, but they are summarized in the original ten. We are not to murder, then the rest of the law delineates the difference between murder and man slaughter. It explains how retribution and restitution are to be made. He says not to commit adultery in the ten, then in the rest he outlines all kinds of sexual sins that are forbidden.

I explained to the class what each commandment meant, and also how Jesus expounds on the commandments drawing out that the sin of the heart is equal to sin of action. 

I got to the last of the ten commandments, and I was struck with unplanned, instant and intense conviction. The last of the ten is, "Do not covet." This one sin stands as the bedrock of all the other sins. When we covet what we don't have, we will commit all the previous nine. To fully understand this, we must understand what coveting is. It is not just wanting something. It is not just desire. Coveting is longing for something. It is obsessing about that object, obsessing about the desire for it. It is plotting and planning how to do get it. It is getting it at all costs. I found myself giving a personal example of coveting and thus conviction pierced my heart. 

The thing I usually covet is sweets. So take a brownie for example. I will get it into my head that I want a brownie. So then I start thinking about it. I keep thinking about it. I think of where I could get one. I hear a voice in my heart telling me it is not a good idea. I ignore the voice. I make up all these reasons why it is good for me to have it: "I've been good this week." "I'll just work out longer later." "I've had a hard day." "I deserve it." "God wants me to have good things, and a brownie is good." "No one will know that I had a brownie." "Screw it, I want the brownie, I am going to have the brownie." 

This obsession then turns into how can I get it. I make a plan and I eat it, ignoring the strong warning in my spirit. Before I even finish the first bite, I am thinking about the second brownie I am going to eat and how I want another one. Then, the problems gear into full force. I am hypoglycemic, so one or two brownies have the potential of causing really bad physical problems. The high blood sugar makes me feel jittery and hyper. Then I crash. I start to shake, get highly irritable, lose concentration, get exorbitantly tired. 

That means that because of the choice to eat those brownies I so coveted, I sacrifice my relationship with my students as I can't teach well with no concentration. I sacrifice my relationship with my husband as he is the first I will snap at and be ugly to. I sacrifice any relationship outside of that because I can't be around people when I am tired, irritable, and blurred speech. I also have sacrificed my relationship with God, as I have ignored the warnings from His Spirit. I also am filled with shame and guilt, that cause separation and insecurities. 

I put a brownie over God, over my husband, over my ministry to my students, over friendships. I put a brownie over God. My heart hurts at the admission. I want to cry as I stand before my students vulnerable. When I first mentioned coveting brownies, there were chuckles in the room, as they thought it a silly thing to covet. As I finished you could pin drop in the room, as they all realized the gravity of what coveting, especially coveting silly things, can damage. Even as I write these words my heart hurts. The graven image I have made and bowed down to is not made of wood, gold, or stone. Instead it is made of sugar and flour and in a minute is consumed. 

Oh what a wretched sinner I am, who will save me from this body of death?