So what has changed I wonder? I have realized lately, that life seems to be a game of constantly learning about myself. Here are some conclusions I have come to. I am direct. In high school, I was a shadow of who God wanted me to be, as the hurt I had gone through was left to increase and morph undisturbed in the caverns of my heart. Now, as God has taken me through severe healing, "I am becoming what I once was, a girl in the mirror of God's love." As I look in His mirror, I see myself as He sees me, or am beginning to at least. So I see that I am indeed direct, but I am also connecting dots as to how it works, which I will now share.
First, I have a strong wrong/right meter. If something taps onto the wrong side of that meter especially when I have any position of authority, I feel compelled almost obsessively to make it right. So at school, I confront things like disobedience and immodesty immediately. Confronting often though has to happen when I have been injured in some way, and it is very different. First, because I am a thinker vs. a feeler, it takes a lot for me to be hurt. When I am, I don't know what to do with the emotions that supersede my strong thinker mentality. So I clam up to digest them. Outwardly, I spend time alone, tersely responding to questions and initiating none, especially with the offending party. Inwardly though, my mind is in a race. I mull over the entire situation over and over again. I think of every way I have been wronged. I think of every way I have been in the wrong. I stir and stir and stir. It is all to get the feeling back into the thinking. Once it makes the jump back over I have a decision... to confront or not. Confrontation then must happen or I will like Mr. Darcy sever all contact. It is
No comments:
Post a Comment