My Story Part 1: Active Waiting

"You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!"


from: Oh the Places You Will Go
by: Dr. Seuss


For many years I have been in the Waiting Place. It is truly a hard place to be. I am 28 and single. Therefore, 28 and waiting. This waiting has taken on many forms over the last years. 


There has been a longing inside of me to be a wife and mother, a longing that runs deep and that causes great pain. The pain comes in a hope deferred, which has made my heart sick. 


In the waiting place there have been times of great hope relying on the Lord that he would bring me a man of God, that he would fulfill my desires. There were also times of desperation and hopelessness thinking it would never happen. I remember conversations with other godly women stating emphatically that I was just deciding to be single and not hold out hope, so that I could live singlely without constantly looking and waiting. 


The Lord has been working on my heart through this waiting place. He asked me to actively wait. This meant I needed to take a few steps: I joined an online dating site. I emailed all the pastors that have been influential in my life asking them to pray for a mate and if they knew anyone to introduce me. I prayed, intensely and specifically for God to bring me a man. I asked others to pray. I actively waited. 


For many months I saw no results, but I did see God change my heart. So I find that the Waiting Place is not actually the most useless place.