My Story Part 4: Online Dating as a Tool of Sanctification

So God had been working on me really hard. I had spent months doing the hard work. Suddenly life started to change.

• I finished writing curriculum I had worked on for a year a half.
• I got into the smallest jean size I had ever been in.
• I got a new roommate and new apartment.
• I had an overwhelming workload at school lightened. 
• My health was doing great, and the pain I had been in constantly was completely at bay. 

So I thought that it would be a good time to try an online dating site again. I say again because I had done it twice before. I am an extremist, so both previous times I had signed up for a year because it is cheaper. Both previous times I had caught myself in a downward cycle. I would get on when I was lonely. I would look through dozens of profiles. I would initiate the process with as many as I could. When a couple of weeks would go by without any responses I would in anger and bitterness delete them all. I found myself constantly feeling lonely, rejected, angry and bitter. I don't like admitting these things, for I never wanted to be one of those girls. But one of those girls I became. I was appalled at how few boys initiated conversation even on a dating site where it is already assumed you are looking for the same things i.e. a relationship.

Well, this time I wanted it to be different. I set my heart for it to be different. The prayer I began to pray was this, "Lord, I am joining this site. You might choose to use this for me to meet a man. But Lord no matter the outcome, no matter if the result is a relationship, I want you to use this as a tool for my sanctification. I don't want to use it to satisfy my loneliness or perpetuate my bitterness. I want to use this as a method for me to look more like Jesus." Because I wanted it to be different, I approached it in a radical way. I initiated no conversations. I looked only at profiles of those who initiated with me. This I felt was radical for in the last two years of using this site only a handful of men had initiated anything, and most of them got deleted right out of the gate.

Well, a strange thing happened. Eight men initiated conversation within two weeks of joining. Most were quality. Two were open doors. Could it be that I got no responses because I was not meant to initiate? Could it be I was trying too hard to take control, to take matters into my own hands? Could it be that God's timing was not yet?

Within that time frame a boy initiated and stepped through the process of online dating. Through countless emails with him I felt God speak to me. He told me that he would make the waiting pay off. He asked me to trust him as he lead me by the hand. I found in this process God was beginning to harvest the truths he had already implanted. I was looking more like Jesus. God answered my prayer... online dating was a tool of sanctification.